THE VILLAIN.

2011-06-22T00:45:00.003+08:00

saya bertekad untuk menulis dalam bahasa melayu
hari ini adalah hari yang saya sedar bahawa saya terlupa khamis adalah "thursday" dalam bahasa melayu
saya berasa amat kecewa
adakah ini kerana saya sudah terlalu lama tidak berkomunikasi dan menulis dalam bahasa melayu?
saya harus gigih berusaha supaya saya tidak akan lupa bahasa melayu yang sungguh indah ini

hari ini saya menonton wayang di pawagam
tetapi saya terlelap beberapa kali mungkin kerana saya tidak ada cukup waktu tidur
pusat membeli belah di Vietnam ini tutup awal sekali, berbeza dengan situasi di Singapura
walaubagaimanapun, saya gembira kerana dapat menonton wayang di luar negeri tetapi tidak ada banyak perbezaan berbanding kepada Singapura

oooh, amat penat untuk memikir dalam bahasa melayu
jikalau saya duduk untuk peperiksaan As atau Os, mungkin saya tidak akan lulus
T.T

sampai sini sahaja saya akan tulis
hingga masa yang lain

selamat malam

2011-06-21T00:39:00.002+08:00

so 2 weeks passed since i stepped into an alienic land
and i feel sad to leave this lovely city of hanoi in a few days time
the short walks to S Club for breakfast and straight to that sole air-conditioned room (it seems) for our lectures and not to forget the field trips that we have
i am pretty sure this place will be etched in my mind & heart forever.

and next would be ho chi minh city where i heard would be even more closer to home
im not too sure about that, but i am obviously looking forward to that

halong bay during the weekend was pretty exhilarating with a private cruise just for 9 people
seafood lunch was okay, scenery was to soak in like till forever
i love how humble vietnam is although i admit i dislike the air pollution
it makes me wonder how damaged my lungs are already after only 2 weeks here.

many things are learnt thus far
the friendships that i make along the way
the locals that seem to make me smile so widely and comfortably
the conversations shared
the sort of people and personality that seems to stand out after you know that person for a substantial amount of time
the pictures i snap with a lousy camera phone
but i know all this is worthwhile and there are valuable lessons to be learnt

i feel blessed for this opportunity overseas and i hope that i will eventually truly grasp the underlying meaning for all that have transgressed and hopefully mould me into a better person.

with my limited knowledge of the incredibly interesting vietnamese,
tạm biệt

xin chao!

2011-06-11T23:06:00.002+08:00

today marks the 7th day into my overseas experience in vietnam
there are many things that comes to mind as i am writing this entry down
thus far, i feel that vietnam have been a humble place with people that are interesting.
although there are many similarities which is really difficult for me to put it into words.
through this trip, ive tried to make comfortable conversations with people around me but it seems that it's getting harder to achieve and as a result i feel ive almost deliberately drifted myself off from people.

as it is, when i thought ive made a good friend, i still feel the distance and have not been able to break through that invisible but evident barrier. is it because of that obvious difference or could it be due to my wild imaginatiton of what people may think about me. one thing i can learn from this though is that no matter where one is, you will definitely tend to bond well with people who have the same mentality as you and who are of the same "breed" as you. i dont know if it's fair enough for me to say this, but i am still quite skeptical of the relationships that i can make out of this trip.

whatever it is, i hope that tomorrow will be an awesome brand new day. i pray that this month will be as smooth-sailing as possible and that i will forge closer bonds with people around me. i promise myself that if ever i have the chance to chat up with the people around me, i will and i must. only then will i be able to make out the most from this adventure of mine.

till then,
tam biet. :)

dead

2011-04-05T19:50:00.002+08:00

hello blog. today is an unexpectedly tiring day.

im having a headache now but i have to study for my midterm astro test that falls TMR.

i received my online shopping purchase today.

YAY. looks slightly big for me but i shall just wear it.

this post is going to be all-journal-fied because i have no inspiration to write properly.

okay. i pray that the burden of my upcoming days are lessened

although i have like 3 important assignments waiting for me to deal with

WHY is studying so draining. AND PLEASE. all those NS people or working people.

I KNOW WHAT IM SAYING.

off to absorb more info for ass-throw.

goodbye.

blessed

2011-03-14T23:42:00.002+08:00

지금 나 청말 미쳐 아ㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏ!

omg. seriously life is so freak annoying.
like pls. okay. not life, family!!!!!!
i know this sounds damn personal, but i dont really care.
im not hanging my dirty laundry, im just venting my feelings verbally.
even at this moment, i just feel like LAUGHIIIIINNNG.
gosh. i have such an amazingly funny family. interpret it however you want.

yes, continue with your orchestra of words.
pls do other things more worthwhile. thanks. for the brief silence though.
haiz. now it philosophy coming into the picture.
seriously. now i think i sound like some rebel minding my own business.

i belated realise how this post does not make sense but i shall just put it up for "memories" sake.

okay, im done here. toodles oodles.

a different perspective.

2011-03-07T00:13:00.002+08:00

so life has been rather mundane.

oh maybe apart from the fact that i have to study for midterms

which ive been procrastinating.

oh god.

when will this internal motivation of mine NOT die out.

okay, positivity.

i shall get off this computer once i complete this blogpost.

other than that, today was really strange.

i dont understand why females are so sensitive.

especially when someone close to you has no intention to hurt you or whatsoever

then why take it to heart?

do i blame it on the biology of females? i wonder.

and there were just a lot of things that made me reflect on myself further.

whether ive always had a clear goal in my life that makes me sacrifice anything towards it or not

and what if i dont? does that mean it's over for me even?

and then of course im thinking of those people of my generation making a name for themselves already. and then what about me....

people like GD, Bieber, Hongki.

HAHA. i dont know why those random names.

but it strikes me at this moment.

alright. imma just end it here.

2011-02-28T22:32:00.002+08:00

a quick update.
a new week, and new things learnt.
never have i reflected so much after talking to people.
although i know that it's not exactly very "healthy" to reflect and ponder on something for too long, but i guess i cannot really help it. HEE.
conversations with people make me realise what humility truly means.
and what life as a whole truly mean to any individual out there.

HURHHH.
got writer's block suddenly.
oh but yes, my progress for my lovely G is coming albeit slowly
BUT IM STILL HAPPY.

end. here. thinking about my due positive psych project tomorrow. :/

strange

2011-02-24T23:48:00.002+08:00

listening to past favourite songs makes me go high.
i like!
so today have been quite frustrating because i forgot to bring my wallet to school
and i felt so starved
the funny thing about this was that i thought i would immediately raid the fridge when i got home
but i went straight to the computer.
i guess i was conditioned to the starving feeling. :)

and because of that incident, i DID NOT manage to do lots of things.
plus i kept taking short naps. WHYYYYY.

my resolution for now would be to keep up with readings.
and also to have small discussions with peers on what we're studying.
i think it helps!

i dont know why but today's American Idol made me feel choked.
Chris Medina was such a sweet and mellow guy. And J.Lo should not feel so bad.

done. abrupt i know.

the meeting of pupils

2011-02-20T22:56:00.002+08:00

wow. the weekends was an interestingly long one.
well, it consisted of the usuals plus alot more.
an entire family discussion which lasted all through the night.
and yet there were still lots of unsaid matters that werent laid out.
and then today i just realised that i should really make efforts into keeping a relationship/friendship for that matter.
my HK mate that i found was still as sweet as ever the first time i met her.
so im determined to keep this pal of mine till whenever.

today i also realised that school seems to just go full blast
there are alot of things that i need to get down to and i think im still quite slacky.
RARRR. i need to get those engines coming. will most prob set off to school earlier tomorrow!
WEEEEE.

alright. i guess this sort of summarises all that happened this week.

cheers to an awesome new coming week! :D

2011-02-17T00:53:00.002+08:00

realised hw terrible i am nw at expressing myself.
back to ranting! HAHA. and of course, updates! heh.
my china teammates seem to have a lot of influence on me. :D

so life tdy in sch was as per normal, skipped lecture but managed to do my readings k!
and other stuffs. oh yes, lunch! lovely lunch that i never got to do on wednesdays.
unfortunate timetable yes yes.

since it's past midnight, and i usually force myself to be in LALA land by this time
i'll abruptly end this post for now.
hopefully i'll do more updates in time to come!
WEEE

oh it's a lovely day today!

a hiatus so long.

2010-02-12T11:24:00.002+08:00

i was just well, delusional as always.
the lessons i learn throughout my 19 years will hopefully mould me into a better person.
no matter how painful these lessons are,
there is always a sweeter outcome, somehow.

i know i can be the most irrational person,
i do things without thinking,
i over-react in other instances,
but that is because im not a perfect being.

i have decided on a lot of things this year.
to be more affable, be more of anything positive.
where i am right now is not enough.
i have to strive for better things just to satisfy myself.
i hate trying to compare to others just to disappoint myself further.
i must acknowledge that i have certain strengths that others are also envious about.

too reflection-fied post.
yucks.
okay, i would like to say to all my friends out there, i love you guys for who you are and stay the way you are.
especially grateful for the times you stood by me
enjoy the holidays (hopefully) and spend a great weekend

2009-11-13T00:21:00.002+08:00

if there even is any reader out there.
i would just want to warn that this post is entirely emo-fied and rant-fied.
feel free to flee and spare yourself from depressing things.

i was just thinking.
maybe i lack a lot of things, looks, personality anything.
i dont know.
i know people would just then simply label such a case as "oh, this person has such low self-esteem"
but i beg to differ.
are you trying to say that even the most successful person on earth wouldnt have felt that way in any point of their lives?
think again.
it's just weird.
i know whatever i am typing now doesnt make any sense whatsoever,
but i just feel like taking things off my chest.

gah.
i hate such times. i know i should stop whining and try, attempt to make things better for myself
but then again, talking is so much easier than action.

best not to think so much.
but when it is being forced upon, how can it ever be refused?

-blank slate

3 weeks to the final examssss

2009-10-26T18:12:00.002+08:00

WOOOH.
the first ever time to blog in sch using my laptop. :)
so happy to have completed something, just something.
at least i wouldnt have brought my bulky laptop in vain.
but it wasn't exactly an excellent piece of work. :/

day in sch today was quite a quiet and serene one.
2 lessons only.
1st being extremely scary when many things just register as a blur in my head.
2nd being quite mindless and drowsily boring.
taking into account the fact that i didnt have much sleep the night before.
AND i left the lecture theatre early.
so much for being a 1st yr, 1st sem student.

i truly love this line of mine now.
"does it even matter if the truth came to light?"
it may sound pretty emo-ish but the fact just reflects a certain degree of stupidity.
anyway, for those really nice concerned friends of mine, rest assure that i am fine.
i do a lot of self-reflection just to keep myself sane
as life is just too fast-paced.
don't you think?

oh yes, before i leave school, i MUST write something down.
on saturday, 24th of Oct i did something extremely mindless.
but it was an insane experience nevertheless.
*i just hope that if there was a 2nd time, it would be much more happening.

oh my. a blog entry after a long time and this is what i came up with.

i guess that spells the end of my entry for the day.
have a good remaining day everyone!

cheerios.

a life. or NOT.

2009-09-15T00:32:00.006+08:00

complicated creatures aren't we?

in particular, females may i say.

like me i tend to be paranoid when there's no need to.

i shed tears even when i know it's not worth it.

it's funny uh.

i also wonder what's the need for so many abstract questions.

the more you pry, the more you discover

and at times the truth really hurts.

and then is it even worth it?

why is it that the more i want it, the harder it is for me to retrieve it.

what more when it is inaccessible?

the picture above is reflective of the current mood i'm in.

i just feel like blending into the darkness of the night and be oblivious to things.

rather than trying to find an answer.

i have many things to say actually but it cannot be so easily expressed.

till next time.

goodnight ya'all.

best regards.

2009-09-06T02:03:00.005+08:00

A BIRTHDAY WISH FOR A SPECIAL FRIEND.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XIAO YAN! :D

can i just whine for a little bit.
uni is not easy.
learning a completely new subject is difficult.
so what if it's interesting.
can it guarantee that i'll be able to remember a S***load of facts in just a mere 3 mths?
i have this darn principle that i should always go on with whatever i started off with.
because i do not want to give up.

okay.
that's just the school bit.
been feeling rather down due to surprise quizzes, etc.
it's the same as the times in jc minus the company of great friends.
one which makes studying life a whole lot easier.

today i had some alone time in the library.
read a korean textbook and felt rather gleeful
trivial things like this can actually make me smile.

to end this really abrupt and no-brainer post
i will present to you my favourite boy.

-would you take a moment to smile for me?-

2009-08-20T01:23:00.002+08:00

a life.
a choice.
but there's no known decision.
and it's driving me crazy.

amidst all that commotion in the head,
im happy to be in school.
lessons have been pretty different.
very interactive, unique. I LIKE.
the shuttle bus to and fro from schools.
pals been nice
and i should CHANGE.

change in many different perspectives/angles
to be a better person hopefully.

too many things yet so little to say.
just reminded me about my craft of writing course.
i didnt know just one small tutorial occupies my storage memory till now
yes lame.

come to think of it, i think i entertain myself a lot.

alright. thoughts blocked.
till next time.

-avillaininthehead.

2009-08-11T02:54:00.000+08:00

just thought about the word "lucky"

im just wondering what exactly makes someone feel lucky.
does luck have a definite meaning stuck to it

i remember how this term got me all jittery when i see it in my GP exams
if i were to see it as one of the compo questions i'll avoid it at all costs
and demean it as a bullshit question.

HAHA

right. it's just weird how a particular word just sets me thinking
my mother keeps telling me nowadays how "cuckoo" i can be
just right since im taking psych in uni now.
which of course brings to the fact that i'll be starting sch this wednesday.

so, lucky in terms of what can i say i feel?
lucky in terms of the life im leading.
lucky that i have wonderful people in my life
lucky just to be who i am.

uh-huh. i should really reflect on this.
it may even make me a happier person and not mull alot.
but i must admit i am very much luckier than alot of many other people.
therefore i should be thankful for everything.

villainofthehouse?

2009-08-06T09:34:00.000+08:00

right.
so school's starting for me.
super anxious i tell you.
timetable's kinda making me feel antsy.
why am i older and forced to be independent?
[meant to be a rhetoric and never ever mentioned again]

it's bound to happen
and everyone else feels this.
so in the 1st place, why whine about it..

so...i've been trying to complete things that ive been wanting to do
none is finished though.
i watched about a 1/4 of a drama
found a volunteering organisation but timings clashed

at least ive completed ONE.
= successfully created a video just for joongbo

that was rrrreeeaaaaaaallly no mean feat. i spent about a whole morning doing it. :D

hmm. on a random note, i want a fedora hat!
and go listen to "dont worry, be happy" if ever you feel down.

a happy goober.

2009-07-14T16:53:00.002+08:00

back!

okay. i just had the urge to type and therefore blogging comes to mind.
it's july already, baby!
and this spells only about a month before i start school again.
frankly speaking im quite excited although the thought of exams bothers me alot.

so far, im quite happy that my shelves are ready for more books
AHEM!
after much nagging from my mother.
or screams to be exact. :P

things that i plan to do before school starts is aplenty i tell you.
i'll probably jot some down here for the fun of it.

- food expedition, anyone?
- volunteer, preferably something that is flexible.
- equip myself with as much korean vocab as possible.
- do something really fun. [explore the deep recesses of singapore]
- watch as much dramas, videos, movies etc. online or anywhere.

okay, it's not exhaustive i know.

till next time.
villainofthehouse

2009-06-02T23:28:00.002+08:00

i wish i could inspire people.
i wish i could make people understand me
am i that complicated?
are my thoughts all fuzzy?

im not being emo.
im just thinking and reflecting.
and i doubt myself at times.
it's weird that when it comes to blogging, i write in short sentences
sweet and concise though questionably "understandable"

why cant i express myself right
and tell the entire world what is it i want, what is it im capable of
am i that useless?

ive always hoped and wished for a simple yet meaningful life.
but ive yet to achieve it till present.

i cant imagine really.
i anticipate the upcoming events in my life.
and i must face it with much confidence.

-confused and troubled-

2009-05-26T12:11:00.002+08:00

for the sake of killing my boredom away,
here i am!

okay there were quite a number of things that happened while i was on a so-called hiatus from blogger.

1st up: rachel's birthday party
(which i didn't attend)
argh. im so gonna meet up with u soon, babe.

2nd: my secret mission (which is spoiled by my younger sis -_-")
excited excited! credits esp to Nawal!!!
hyun joong, you MUST appreciate it. :D

3rd: jassy's birthday party
my dear girl, hope u had lots of fun that day. :)

4th: upcoming june holidays.
well, ive been wondering what exactly i'll be up to for a whole month w/o a job.
:/

and of course, with regards to that something.
it's still not here yet.
where are you?
im being impatient as usual, i know.

sleeping patterns have been erratic, really.
all i realise is that i'll always be awake 8hrs from when my eyes shut.
amazing accuracy of the body system.
im disciplined. HAHA. as if.

without my elder sis by my side,
i feel something missing at times,
and then i feel a huge sense of responsibility towards my younger sis.
i tell you, im turning schizophrenic and slightly mad.
i guess staying at home by yourself is just mentally draining.
not to mention the stuff im occupied with at home.
so my dear sister, pls come home faster.
although i admit your nagging can be annoying
but i still love you, and you know it.

long post uh?
and i just remembered i havent bathe. it's noon already.
ugh. still waiting although i know it's not gonna happen.
at least anytime soon.

alright.
im done ranting.
blogs makes me rant and potrays an annoying side of me, no?

-villainofthehouse.

the life of a 19-er

2009-05-13T13:24:00.003+08:00

mood today: not happy.

but of course, with the existence of the computer, my spirits are relatively lifted.
HAHHA.
my chant from now onwards would be,
OFF WITH THE NERVES, OFF!
*irritation and frustration with something made me say such things.

oh yes, nowadays im "skype-ing"!
but the lagging webcam of mine makes things difficult.
grr.

call me crazy or fanatic but i'm in love with SS501.
they are such cute dorks which makes every video of them enjoyable.
hyun joong and jungmin are my favs.
kyu is such an innocent yet lovable guy.
the other two of course makes the group complete.

and because of them my love for the korean language is heightened.
YAY!
im proud to say that ive learnt to write in korean
not fantastic though.

어떤 것들은 바로 우리의 통제. 예를 들어, 신경이 날카로워집니다. 그래서 나지 않을 수 없을 때가 오기를 기다렸습니다. 기다리고 기다리고 기다렸습니다. 슬프게

an update. wow.

2009-04-14T13:10:00.003+08:00

well well.
the month of april have reached its 3rd week.
but I have remained stagnant.
stagnant to the point that fats are welcomed and rust are formed in my brain
amazing.

at this stage of my life,
i realised i have become more critical
and idol dramas only serve the purpose of satisfying the naked eye.
anything besides that, is just some amateurish plot.
mentioning this still doesnt stop me from watching them
contradicting, yes.

alrighty.
life has become so monotonous.
with my empty days filled with the contents of the internet.
but soon this will be over and i will yearn to have this lifestyle all over again.
gah. i seriously need to find another outlet to fill my day.
something more worthwhile.
reading? skating? cycling? mugging? (not that i have to)
perhaps i could take out my jc notes and read them
way more fulfilling than looking at this squarish monitor everyday uh.
but then again, i doubt i'll do that.

the hopes of meeting you one fine day
is nothing but just a fantasy

have a good day, my friend :)

2009-03-24T23:16:00.003+08:00

i reminisced my past by reading previous entries.
most were depressing really.
i came across something i wrote before
and i still think it stays relevant to me till now
it goes something like this
why bother to hold on
it'll only make your fingers burn

what i am today and the past seems to have changed.
probably for the better, shouldn't it?
but then again im not too sure.

seriously, the effects of growing older.
thinking too much yes? and becoming more like an "ahjumma"
getting frustrated with my younger sis over the slightest of matter.
staying at home 24/7
and this will go on for at least 5 more months.

alrighty.
i guess things happen for a reason.
it doesnt matter what exactly it is does it?
you just have to face it
unfair?
that's life, ain't it.

Annyonghi jumushipsiyo.

2009-03-11T14:20:00.003+08:00

so many things are rushing through my puny head.
i dont know really.
anyway, i got back my results.
it was ok.
though i was extremely stressed just to go and collect it.
thanks rachel for being there.

i just want to thank my teachers.
every single one of them.
i guess they played a part in my reults.
and my friends for being there for me whenever i need them.
especially michelle. (she knows what she did.)
and i thank her for that
and congrats to all my classmates.
they did well and im proud. :)
my parents and my elder sis especially.
she have always been my pillar of support.
and to someone else too.

basically, now im reduced to a housewife.
i have to cook for the family.
i thought it was fun initially but nopes.
im tired of cooking and facing the kitchen everyday.
sigh. applying to uni makes things even harder.
cannot stand it already!
*burst
so that's why i need to find a job.
yes please.

just needed to blurt certain things out.
too many things bottled up inside.
waiting to be poured out.

-cooking in process-
emo kid

YEAAHHHH.

2009-03-04T16:04:00.002+08:00

EYE CANDY: KIM HYUN JOONG
he's the leader from SS501
he's talented
he's a pretty boy
his smile, everything is enough to make my boredom go away.
(blame it on Boys Over Flowers)

HAHA. sorry. just had to write his name down.
i missed my class reunion yesterday.
looks like i missed on the fun too. :(
but on a lighter note, i'm meeting my dearest nawal tomorrow.
have not seen her for like 3 weeks plus.
we're going to stuff ourselves with food before the day
the long-awaited day that's scaring the wits out of me.
so, sushi here we come!

i just realised i can be so much like a potato couch.
i can sit in front of the computer for so many hours.
then proceed to watching tv in the night.
eat for the necessary meals and then sleep.
so i have to blame it on myself for becoming fatter.
SHYTE.

OH OH. AND I WANT TO GO KOREA!

before i end, i'll post a picture of my eye candy.

2009-03-03T11:26:00.002+08:00

it's the day. the day is coming.
FOR REAL.
yeargh. i've always thought i could shrug it off but no.
not anymore.
how long can i do that?
it's purely crazy, i tell you.
6th of march.

i want my working life back. i want to earn money more.
this lifestyle. im currently leading is *yucks
what? cook! and then use the computer. wait.
then watch tv. then sleep.
ugh. need to pick up a book. need to do something.
yes.

man. suddenly the mood to blog vanished.
i am running away.
bye.

2009-02-26T17:18:00.002+08:00

guess what?! my last day of work was officially on the 25th of Feb.
it was kinda surprising. didnt feel ready to leave just yet
not that the work was any good.
but i'll miss my 2 months stint there. i really will :)

and, now im waiting for a new job and -youknowwhat-
yesterday, i had a dream within a dream.
go figure.
at least i thought it was because i'm known to "make up stories"
according to my elder sis :)

lots of things happened during my few months at work and home.
have been doing lots of thinking and perhaps even overly sensitive.
blame it on the lack of work for the brain.
i react quite irrelevantly to all sorts of situation.
i realise how people tend to view me. and honestly, i hate it.
i thought i changed a lot but im not certain whether it's for the better.
crap. i shall not go on further.

just an update of my life.

emo.

2009-02-20T10:46:00.002+08:00

BBF. sheesh. i'm drowning in the realm of k-dramas.
i know. pathetic.
but leading this sort of life makes me quite happy.
not to mention the things in life that's depressing as well.
ive been avoiding.
come to think of it.
the d-day is rumoured to be on the 6th of march.
SHITE.

as for now. i just strive to be happy.
YAY. :) today i'm attending lit night.
and my last day of work is on the 27th of feb.
NO!! i want a job.
then i can spend money freely.
well. not really. but at least 'm free to get what i want.
still eyeing on a crumpler. flats. and more.

back to my BBF.
i dont like it that someone always ends up alone in dramas.
why? is it true in reality? must someone always suffer?
and is it always worth it?
i never will understand love or relationships for that matter.
all i know is that it's really tiring.
isn't it?

emo kid. :/

the obscure sky.

2009-02-17T12:29:00.002+08:00

it's all uncertain.
it has to be.
it's horrible.
the supression and everything.
ok. im not being an angsty kid anymore.
wouldnt like to be one.
im old. so i have to deal with it maturely.

oh well.
work.
i have to quit this job soon.
i need to find another.
and it's like going to be another vicious cycle.
i hate having to wait for replies.
after which people accuse me of being "high and mighty"
think too highly of yourself (in other words)
but just imagine. sending countless resumes but to no avail?
nevermind.
i guess. that's how difficult job-hunting is.
GRR.

at home. it's been really quite relaxing.
just that i just have to keep an eye on my younger sis.
she's worrying seriously.
ive never imagined how difficult it was to take care of her.
i hope i never gave that much trouble to my elder sis.
i want her to be better than me in all areas.
i know she's up to it.
jiayou, my small baby sister.
and remember, i love you.

wow. update. real long one.
ok. this just indicates boredom.

off to finish my lunch and perhaps read the news.

running into obscurity.
EMO KID.

2009-02-13T14:33:00.002+08:00

not working today. not feeling very well either.
bad throat. did something really foolish yesterday. :P
anyway. i just gulped down 1 cup of chrysanthemum tea
and ate/sucked like 3 "sweets"
and it's still not working.
not to forget i just took 4 spoonfuls of cough mixture
HAHA. i'd do anything to make my throat right. :)

anyway. now i'm resting at home (like as if)
watching a new korean drama online.
LOVED it. so sad luh.
and as usual it's a romance plot.
cant get enough of it. teehee.

haha. just a short update.
oh yes, happy advanced valentine's day to all my best buds out there.
love you guys.

14/02 a pretty special day.

2009-02-10T10:14:00.002+08:00

a special day without a special someone.
anyway. i'm at work blogging.
*whoops

life hasnt been spectacular neither has it been torturous.
oh wait.
if u consider having to wait for 6, no coming 7 days for something.
IT. IS. TORTUROUS.
nevermind. i've grown to accept it. (soon)

ranting was so much fun before.
now it's like uh, "free time, then i do"
YEARGH. i can't stand this.

okay.
buhbye.
- back to forms. :D

im terribly sorry and i mean it

2009-02-01T11:56:00.002+08:00

ARGH.
im sorry to have hurt you.
i admit i do not have faith in you neither do i in myself.
yes. like i say, i've disappointed and is disappointed.
mutual? i dont like this. :(

these days the skies are grey.
that's why the mood just isn't there
work hasnt been good to me
long hours at work specifically.

today is sunday.
but i have to be at home doing housework.
yes, i know my responsibility.
WHYYYYYYY?
ok. i know im especially whiny today.
just needed to let things off.

perhaps on a happier note,
i am going to cut my hair soon!!
and im going to attend lit night soon too.
i hope i'll have fun. :))
im hoping to hear from you soon too.

save me from all this.
emo kid.
P.S. i miss signing off this way.

ur special and i know it :)

2009-01-25T23:30:00.002+08:00

I. AM. VERY. VERY. SAD.
i just made a superbly tough decision.
it was for the good of the both of us im sure.
sheesh. i know it's profound. it's meant to be.

grr..im sorry.
oh yes, i had a BBQ yesterday.
this may make me sound like a loser but who cares :P
it was the 1st time in my entire life barbequing my own food.
(not that it was the first time i had a BBQ!)
i used to be the one sitting down and waiting for the food to be cooked.
LOL.
BUT the irritating part was that i ended up reeking of smoke.
like im a smoker, seriously. (hell, no!)
yes, indeed it was an experience

work have been monotonous.
the same old thing.
it makes it seem like im a total useless someone.
like hello, brainless work
i need a workout for the brain juices man.
it's getting a little rusty..
company at work compensated the bore a little. :)
thanks buddies at work.

yup yup.
i think that's about what has been going on in my life.
work, fun (a little), sleep and a special something.

night people.

2008-12-19T23:44:00.002+08:00

droopy eyes. like seriously.
i mean i'm totally lethargic can.
anyway. life have been monotonous.
GRR.

sometimes i feel that ive made many mistakes in life
but i never learn from mistakes.
i do the same thing again and again.
i think this teenage period or rather pre-adulthood is RAWR!

every single decision that i make is full of consequences.
not as though they are positive. sheesh. -_-"
then again it will definitely be influenced by all sorts of people who plays a part in the consequences it brings about.
BUT they wont admit that they play a part.
ah. complicated stuff. can't seem to express it properly. GRR, again.

anyway. i'm just damn tired luh. and there's no HOUSE today :(

okay. i'm done! i just need to rant here.

BOO.

revival post after a LONG hiatus!

2008-12-09T02:29:00.002+08:00

WOOHOO!
a revival post. and today happens to be HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI!
technically it's yesterday.

oh yes. there's like a lot to be updated!! :D
A's a over, and now is job-hunting. GRR. i tell you it is hella-difficult to get my DESIRED job!
but, it's okay. i shall stay positive. YEAH!

oh yes. my body clock is screwed. i'm still awake at this ungodly hour.
yeap. pretty interesting when i used to doze off before 12 whether i'm on my bed or not.
go figure.

haha. i thought i pretty mych lost my touch in blogging but i feel like ranting on..
oh yes, prom was pretty much monotonous for me.
food wasn't very good but company compensated the whole thing :P

okayy,
i guess that's pretty much for now.

TOODLES AND HOPEFULLY NIGHTZ!

oh dear. the world can be so shallow.

2008-10-22T22:37:00.002+08:00

just a random thought.
maybe i'm just being critical (so not me!) =P

how shallow and narrow-minded people can get.
sorry, this is a super generalised observation.

oh dear. i feel so contradictory.

okay. i shall just end here. i'm trying to be as ambiguous as i can!

toodles,
syaza.
aches and stress is so the in-thing now.

P.S dont think too hard. you won't know what i'm referring to.

it's all in the mind

2008-09-05T15:34:00.002+08:00

hey. back to blogging after a LONG while.
sigh.
you know...i know that the human mind is really powerful.
whatever that keeps you thinking will come true

the A levels...
i keep saying that it's tough.
it's going to be difficult and so on and i refuse to budge, not to mention mugging.
which a LOT of people have started doing...
this includes me watching tv the WHOLE day and yes, the internet..

i dont know..
i'm trying to tell myself that i'm going to enjoy approx 7 months of freedom after the a's
and get into the mugger mode.
is it even possible??
the theme park game is tempting me so much.
i want to get that game and play to my heart's content.
but this have to be done after the a's
after sheer hard work and determination

okay...no more mulling over this issue.
have to get over it.

wish me the best of luck,
less than 2 months to a's
:/

SYAZA

don't live in regrets

2008-07-19T15:00:00.003+08:00

such wise words from someone who is elder than you are worth pondering over
i miss the times i was able to confide in someone who was elder.
i know it was partly my fault but i can't bring myself to even say the magic word "sorry".

people are spending less than 7 hours sleeping.
i'm not.
i must and i have to study.
mugger mode...

i just read an inspiring entry.
it's quite heart-wrenching really.
it was enough to move me to tears.
honestly, sometimes i do not treasure the current situation of my life.
oh yes, i have to be that inspiration for myself.

why can't my blog posts be gay?

forget it.
i have got to go and read my lit text.
i've got lots of tutorials and assignments to complete.
this last lap have to be completed w/o any regrets
after that, i'll declare myself free.

freaked out.
- raimi

monster. a term used in the days....

2008-07-11T17:31:00.000+08:00

alright. day at school have not been that pleasant.

i actually wrote out what actually happened.
but on 2nd thought, i thought it was childish.
it is equivalent to me pursuing the matter and blowing it up.
so forget it. let bygones be bygones.
i just dont want to see a repeat of that incident.
give me a break.

people twisting words in their favour.
can they gain something from it?

should i give you a certificate of appreciation for successfully * and * someone?

"i hereby award XXX for achieving success in (fill in the blank)
on (date)."

i find it hilarious. (yes, i'm laughing aloud)
goodness.

even as i'm saying this, i think JC will be like the best moments to remember.
moments of unnecessary anger and play (yes, we had a lot of fun!)
sure makes it an interesting journey.

GRR

2008-06-22T19:32:00.002+08:00

Your Slogan Should Be

So Easy Syaza Can Do It.

chanced upon this.
kinda cool i must say.

but does this apply to everything??

just something to get off my chest

2008-06-20T21:53:00.002+08:00

just a quick one.
it's already 10 pm at night.
and a few more days till school re-open.

i can't say how much i will miss the holidays.
i may not enjoy myself to the fullest.
but it means a hell lot to me.

well.
i think im still that young and ignorant kid
who can't differentiate the right from the wrong.
there are lots of things that i turn a blind eye to and regret it
while there are things which still appears to be incomprehensible.

i don't have the courage to face the truth at times
but while i continue to deceive myself,
it actually hurts me more than i wish.
i tend to form impressions that make me think that i'm not good enough for people.
but can i help it?
sometimes you just want to live up to people's expectations
just to discover that you don't make up to it
do you then feel utterly disappointed?
or pretend and be the same person that you always are?

the people whom i thought should be cherished seem to turn their backs on me
or am i just being the silly person to think cynically.

sorry. can't help it.
i only trust in this outlet.

raimi, the emo kid.
:/

AH. WHATEVER

2008-05-21T22:21:00.002+08:00

CONTRADICTIONS.

crossroads. i can't seem to comprehend the minds of people.
yes, and i mean in general.
just look at the word in caps.
things that you spout and things that you do
TOTALLY contradicts.
so, my question is what's the point?

well. i know that perhaps i may fall into such a category.
and that's why the word exists in the dictionary.

sighz.
nevermind.

hm. maybe i should consider taking psychology or sociology.

ahhh....okay. that's not the point.

OKAY.
THE CAPS LOCK ON MY KEYBOARD IS GOING OVERBOARD.
YES. INTERNAL RHYME.

I SHALL STOP HERE.

Syazzy Wuzzy
attempting to have a duel with the keyboard.

prying deeper

2008-05-14T22:58:00.001+08:00

GP. okay.
i just thought of a few things about the topic of science and religion.
well. i do not have much of an interest in this topic in particular due to the fact that i am rather sensitive when it comes to such "touchy" issues.
well, then again i feel that since it is GP, one is entitled to be inclined more towards either one.

argh. okay. i can't put it in words.

these days have been really hectic.
like. i'm not on a strict diet neither am I in some rigid regime of exercise.
nevermind. i just love to make my post ambiguous.
i know it is kinda irritating if you can't figure out what exactly it is.
but hey, that's your problem.
all i can say is that external factors are kinda uhm, intruding my life.
oh yes, "WARNING!"
no need to think so far larh.

oh yah. just in case i can't blog that often anymore,
uhm (clears throat)
someone's special day is coming this sunday!
18/05/08
HAPPY ADVANCED 18th BIRTHDAY RACHEL SHENAZ ERASMUS!

and not to forget also,
on this splendid day, 24/05/08
HAPPY ADVANCED 18th BIRTHDAY TO JASDEEP KAUR AND SEBASTIAN FOO!

okay. mids are coming.
tired and sleepy.
zzzz,
syazzy wuzzy

hiatus for like more than a month

2008-05-08T21:58:00.002+08:00

hey.
school's been like *
anyway. wasnt able to update because of lagging computer.
and maybe because of several other reasons larh.
woah.

anyway. mid years are approaching.
surprise! surprise!
actually nothing much happened today.
things that have been bugging my mind since the start of the year still persists
UNFORTUNATELY.

to tell you the truth, i think the "tiger"
is INDEED going to eat me up.
but i stress on the word "going"
i wont let it happen though.

oh yes, if any of my classmates were to read this post,
I'm sorry for being (______) today.
i appreciate all the remarks that you all made.
like, REALLY.
i guess it's sort of like easy to guess what i'm feeling these days.
down in the dumps.
maybe i should just lock myself in the rubbish bin.
okay, very lame. i know.

so. ah. i miss blogging.
i think i already lost my touch.
i sound very whiny. today. i mean in this post.
YUCK.

okay.
bye!

yo.

2008-03-13T16:36:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry for having anyone out there to put up with me.
i know i have changed for some reason
but that's because i have been hurt and stabbed
whether right in my face or not.
i guess i might have been a pain in the neck this few days
no grudges, yeah?

-raimi, the plain old one.

parents. you dont know what's going on in their minds

2008-03-08T13:17:00.003+08:00

I AM SUPER PISSED.
I DON'T NEED SOMEONE BREATHING DOWN MY NECK ALL DAY.
ONCE IS ENOUGH PER DAY.
I DON'T NEED MULTIPLE.
OKAY, FOR ONCE I SAY, I HATE IT.
I DON'T REALLY CARE ANYMORE.
I KNOW I'M COMMITTING A HUGE SIN.

anyway, everything i do or say seems to you like i am such an idiot. and you think that i think of myself as someone who is so great. you think that i do things like crap and whatnot. I'm tired. just spare me from all this.

BUT DON'T YOU THINK THAT IT IS LIKE A DICTATORIAL REGIME, COURTESY OF JASSY.

just fired up.

2008-03-06T22:01:00.002+08:00

i thought that it was reliable.
but due to my oversight and flaws that i have,
i keep committing grave mistakes.
syaza just loves to land in deep shit.
forgive my use of unforeseen vulgarities.

well. on the other hand, it may just be the nerves.
i cleared it up and hope that it will turn a corner.

just laugh it out.

crap. i feel as though this blog post is super mindless.
but. heck. i cant really be bothered with whatever and anything that is happening in my life.
but that is if it have nothing got to do with studies.
i am still concerned over my studies.
i am so not a rebel.
AHH.

okay. stop. before people start speculating that i have gone bonkers.
oh, how i love it that I'm SO confused like a "sotong."

yayness to me.

raimi....

a change.

2008-03-05T20:23:00.002+08:00

common test week. started since Monday.
and the most unfortunate thing is that i had to fall sick.
or at least land myself in such unfortunate circumstance.
throat has been feeling itchy since, what? Sunday?
so there goes my concentration for uhm...last-minute revision.
which of course i am very fond of doing.
(grin)

so that basically tells you that I'm quite screwed for CT.
but, like the famous saying..."there is no use crying over spilled milk"
tomorrow is my last paper. and following that, on Friday, i will take my MT A LEVELS result.
ahh...how exciting!
(alert:sarcasm)

oh WOW.
how nice my life as a JC 2 student can be.
yes, i welcome any congratulations.
sigh~

oh yes, i might as well say this too.
Michelle. i just want you to know that we care for you.
by putting the past behind you, only then you can move on.
you can't possibly have something at the back of your mind all day and all night.
so, i just want to urge you to continue and be yourself.
you don't have to change just to accommodate to other people.
so, smile.

okie dokie.
that's the end of my post for now.

raimi.

Lit Night

2008-02-17T12:25:00.002+08:00

on Friday, 15/02/08
was lit night!
it was amazingly superb.
minus the fact that i didnt get to watch any performances.

and yes, i performed.
i was a belly-dancer..
uhm, i was as usual extremely nervous and shaky.
but i managed to shake it off ultimately.
it was just fun and i would like to thank all those who have been giving me support.
thanks especially to Rachel, Jassy and Michelle.

sad i didnt take any photos.
well, my phone has zilch photos of the lit night.
that night was just not only fun
but it was a night where people gets the limelight.
go figure.
and do not think of it literally.

it's just depressing okay.
no need for any elaboration.
(it's for me to know and for you to find out.)

anyways, just realised that this post is getting emo
alright. whatever. lit night was fun. period.
actually i omit certain things that are just anti-climax la.

to sum it up, life just couldn't get any better.

- raimi.

2008-02-07T20:54:00.000+08:00

i hate it that i do not have confidence in myself. what is it that i lack? what is it that holds me back all the time? this is an issue that has been bugging me. i hate it. I've been trying real hard to convince my self that i am capable of anything and that is, if i want to. yikes, too emo. this week hasn't really been good. i felt down because of tests and the motivation to study just isn't strong enough. i want to study and bury myself in books. complete at least 4 hours of pure studying without any disturbance a day. is that even possible? haha. too much for being ambitious. screw me.

on a lighter note, 2A03's blog is up!

gee. as if it lightens up the mood.

-screams

2008-01-26T16:53:00.000+08:00

to lend a helping hand when a friend needs you
it's really difficult.
the ability to help may be beyond you
but what's more difficult is wanting to help sincerely.

trying so hard and wanting to refute a lot of things just isn't up to me. there are a lot of things in my mind which i want to do but doesn't seem to take effect. somehow, i just want a personal space at times and i do not want to be disturbed. don't get me wrong. i love the company i have and i appreciate it a lot. life in school somehow seems more fun. the giggles and the teasing makes me want to smile and be happy. i want to enjoy life. at the same time, i received numerous advice to strive hard for the A levels. i know i love to procrastinate. sometimes death seems to be a better option. behind that cheery facade, i seem to be like a tortoise who seems vulnerable all the time. it's sad when you realise you are so feeble that you are unable to accomplish things. However, i have to say that i am happy that I've been untangled from that web. it was so hard for me to let go of the strings that i thought enabled me to hang on to. instead, it betrayed me. the betrayal hurts badly and i wish for something to strike. i really have to thank it actually. it helped me be a stronger person. why do i even want to hold onto something so unreliable. i must be really dumb. what a liar..

if you know that it's not meant to be
why hold on so tightly
it's making your fingers burn
it's not even worth it.

the bottom of the story is: Don't think too much. [i mean it :)]

2008-01-23T21:56:00.000+08:00

holding back evokes sadness
i cant seem to stand much longer
the sight is simply too overwhelming
perhaps i should just shut that door
that opens and welcomes so easily.

the self just wishes to burst with laughter
but does it even matter?

this is simply too tiring
can i take a break and resign from that role?
it never fails to tie me down
how great...

--> self-explanatory

2008-01-19T23:27:00.000+08:00

yeargh. I'm stressed somehow. almost everything
and anything makes me all worked up
agitated, fidgety, you name it.

now, for the weirdest reason...i am contemplating to get retained in J1
well, it just seems so tempting and i really want to do well
perform to the best of my ability.
it's just...do i have enough time?
many has said, "start now! nothing is too late"
but do they really mean it?
or am i just being the usual foolish self?
self-denial and self-comforting. GRR.
screw me.

my mind can literally blow up if all this rhetorical questions are left unanswered.
believe me.

fantasy? dream on. it never will exist.
a facade, rather, it was.
no man is an island.
but i DO NOT require that so-called "pre-requisite".

shameless. pick a leaf from my book
or for that matter, someone else's
do remember you're just like me.
amusing. just amusing.

2008-01-19T15:54:00.001+08:00

to be frank, i don't know my true emotions as of now. it's just complicated and complex to comprehend. not even the most experienced counsellor will be able to tell how i am feeling. life at jc is just super stressful with a pile of homework to complete every single day. i hope whatever i am doing now helps. nevermind if it has an adverse effect on me. at least i will be free from all that. I'm sick and tired of it. my mind will never be able to function if it goes on. i am aware of things that i should be thankful for. right now, the only thing that i want to do is to study hard. if it makes you feel happy, then go ahead. if i could come up with an analogy, i would say i would not want to be an ant who is constantly being stepped on. somehow i think politics in school just need to come to an end. whoever that needs a whack, a slap or a knock on her/his head, please get it done soon. it's just too tiring to witness the same thing over and over again. and don't feel so agitated and sensitive or for that matter, don't even be affected. this people just never get it. here's a piece of advice: it will do you good in the long run. go figure. so perhaps that sums up whatever that is in my heart and mind and whatnot. oh yes, before i end this....remember that what you had done to others may actually backfire on you sooner or later. I'm waiting for that moment.

we shall wait and watch that interesting moment.

2008-01-16T22:18:00.000+08:00

i have since achieved a revelation today
yayness!

to think the minutes or hours or even days
all gone
for good. yes, for good, i repeat.

an individual
who is able to stand on her own
and not get flimsy or unstable easily
that's what i want to achieve

what's the use?

a rhetorical question that is still unanswered.

pretentious?
just be who i am and be happy about it!

my thoughts are all smattered.
think positive and go ahead with what you think is right.

do i always have to submit?
am i a person without any individuality?
must i be a follower?
do i always have to take the blame?

as for now, i'm really tired.
don't bother me.

2008-01-11T22:30:00.000+08:00

no, what's wrong with me?
i need to make things right.
that hole should just be plastered.
or cemented, if I'm still not pleased.
it's pure annoying, frustrating and damn irritating.

everything about me is now anger.
perhaps that emo stage is long gone.
pour cold water over me someone.
douse the flames that seem to be raging from inside.

i thought it never mattered.
well, it didn't.
but to pry and barge just isn't the right way...
don't take me like a sock puppet.
I'm not even close to that.
it is repulsive.

sirens.
if only i had the power to lure
and rejoice in it.
well. the power of seduction and ulterior motive.
how amazing.

go on...
for now, I'm giving you the liberty.
sad.
you'll never know the outcome.
i believe in those words which was once said to me
in fact, many times.

i can't believe this.
LOL.
it just amuses me
that i surprise myself at times.
that's why hatred can make someone lose their senses.
alright, watch your back.

- the unstable mind.

2008-01-07T20:07:00.000+08:00

if there is one thing that i wish i could do is SCREAM
and that is, if it helps :/

2008-01-03T19:22:00.000+08:00

do you know that if i have to say this in one word,
i would choose this word
LAME.
yes, HAHA!
you!

I'm really irritated that i can't fulfill the advices that were offered to me.
GRR.
and then it really boils to see it into action.
feelings involved here: angry.
this is because i think it is plain stupid.
it's like i have this constant internal conflict all the time
and yes, i can't help it no matter how hard i tried.
sheesh.
what's all this worrying for?
i don't know
is there an intention to win? to appear victorious?
well, let me say something.
it's plain idiotic on top of the stupidity.
bertenang...
seriously, is there anything to gain?
like woohoo! a standing ovation, if you like?
god, grow up. oh yes, childish...
oh well...what to do?
now, i think I'm the one who requires special anger-management courses.
kekekeke...
drill, drill, drill this.

all the nonsense that I've spouted.
thanks a lot for enduring it.

and to J and K.
i think both your company keeps me alive.
I'm a gay person.
pure frustration. is it even worth it?

oh yes, thanks for providing me a free camera.
so cool, lah.
but too bad i didn't take up the chance of actually posing for the camera.
well, anyway, THANKS~
hahahaha.
looking forward to more of it.
for those of you readers, whoever you are.
this particular paragraph is not as simple as it seems to be.
*think harder*

alright.
i am done.
blah.

- complexity wins.

2007-12-29T14:30:00.000+08:00

i just thought that perhaps this might be one of the last times i blogged.
well, as you know 2008 may be a hectic year
then again, knowing that i am a procrastinating and last-minute person
i hardly get any work done.

yikes. i seriously lost my touch to blog.
i keep writing a sentence or two only to discover that i would press 'backspace' soon after

before i end,
i keep thinking..
is there a way to remove a part of your memories?
PLEASE DO NOT TORTURE ME FURTHER.

2007-12-26T23:57:00.000+08:00

IF ALL I CAN DO IS TO THINK OF YOU, THEN PERHAPS I AM THE DUMBEST HUMAN BEING LEFT ON EARTH.

SHEESH.

YEAH. GET IT STRAIGHT.
I'M ANGRY.

2007-12-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

i have a lot of things to write about.
i don't think i can put all the things i want to put across today anyway.
it's just that recently, something has been bugging me
perhaps someone has misunderstood me
and i don't like that feeling.
i know that i shouldn't let minute things like that affect my life.
but...
oh well. i shall not fret over that matter any longer.

oh yes!
just to sidetrack, HAHA!
i bought myself a new bag for next year, 2008!

AHHH. i feel stupid today.
sometimes i think i am a little too childish and throws tantrums whenever i feel like it.
sigh. when will i ever grow up?
seriously.
oh well. i think i have to be strong.
i feel dumb for letting feelings, emotions rule over me.
no. i doubt you, readers would even understand.
anyway, i think whatever that you do has its consequence.
don't do things on an impulse
i regretted acting like a spoilt child and thinking that people will give in to me.
i wonder when am i actually going to grow up and mature.
i thought i have reached the stage where i can actually take things in hand myself
it seems that perhaps i am still that young kid.

well. you see, i think perhaps at the adolescent stage, there are many things that a teen will come to realise.

let's just end it here.
it is really tiring and depressing to write about such things.

- trying hard to understand and comprehend matters

2007-12-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

show me your prowess.

I AM VERY TIRED.

no, it's not physically.
It's mentally exhausted.
ever experienced such things before?

2007-12-23T22:16:00.000+08:00

some pictures uploaded from my handphone!

look at this! maggots!!

me and my cousins camwhoring with hats at SPOTLIGHT!

make a guess. where am I?

we are like. er, the spokesperson of baby pumpkins.

here we are again!!

haha. that's about it! ok. i know i am super random right now.
but, whatever it is, it is quite interesting i guess.
like they say, a picture paints a thousand words.
ok, I'm happy and satisfied now.

2007-12-22T00:04:00.000+08:00

i admire those of you who are able to express it aloud.

oh well.
I'm feeling terrible.
I'm staying at home, trying to be a good girl and doing things that i am supposed to do.
i want to go out almost everyday.

despite saying all this,
at the back of my mind, i feel extremely guilty.
i mean, i have lots to do and i can still think of entertaining myself and seek enjoyment.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

next year is already my A's.
sigh.
i feel old.
i need to accomplish something
at this age, i don't even know whether i have adequately equipped myself.
i am jealous of those who earn millions at the age of 30 or younger.
for me, it's like a dream.
ok. I'm currently in the mood of reflecting what i've achieved and done for the past 17 years.
yeah, i know it is really depressing.
work and strive. get motivated.
i seriously lack the drive that is needed to succeed.
i want it. but do i want it badly?

so many questions left unanswered.
i hate to wallow and drown myself in such depressing issues.
it's bad.
alright. change topic.

2008 is approaching.
YAY! I'm welcoming it with open arms!
but before that, i want to enjoy myself fully.
i want to go out with all my friends and catch up with everything!
alright.

i guess that's about it.
i thought i would make this a really short entry.
seems like it turned out really long.
haha

bad. really bad.

2007-12-19T21:34:00.000+08:00

what was i thinking?
oh well, syaza has always been well-known for doing silly things.
DAMN.
anyway, i am really irritated with myself.
ok. all that shall be removed. i promise. i have to. like, H-E-L-L-O!

alright. anyway, today marks the end of my CIP.
it was quite enriching doing volunteer activities.
hip, hip, HOORAY!
haha.

man. i want to write something.
but it seems to be stuck somewhere in my mind.
don't ask me. i have no clue.
SIGH.

i want to eat ice-cream and drink coconut juice!
random cravings again.

alright.
got to go.
- exhausted

2007-12-15T14:13:00.000+08:00

what's the use of just mere words and no action?
a LOT of people claim to say such things and i am a victim.
i keep saying i want to do something but would i actually take action?
hmm. it depends.
damn. what's up with me?
alright. i have to do something without saying it.
then when i have accomplished it, only then i can talk about it.
alright, SET!

ugh. random syaza again!
only recently, this particular song suddenly came playing in my head.
and i can't get it out.
i think it somehow reflects what kind of * i am going through actually.

LALALALALA.

alright. i want to go do something more important.

chiaoz.

2007-12-11T23:11:00.000+08:00

YO.
alright. today was a date with my cousins. yay!
oh. sorry, no nice pictures. i have one picture but too lazy to upload the picture.
anyway, it was nice just hanging out with my cousins.
like seriously.
we went to PS for pizza. yes, Pizza Hut of course.
thanks for the treat, baby.

yup. so we went window shopping after that in PS itself.
oh well. officially broke people like me can't afford to spend you see.
walked and crapped. walked and crapped.
basically, it was catching up with times together. we miss each other...
haha.

nothing interesting actually.
but i just love senseless days like today where everything is free and easy.
a short entry.

i want it.
but now that it is coming true,
i don't want it to happen.
yikes. fickle. fickle.

2007-12-08T16:31:00.000+08:00

back from HK.
i miss it so much. i badly want to extend my stay there.
the hotel stay was marvellous.
the night shopping was brilliant.
although i didn't buy a lot of things, i still think it was worth it.
the friends i made, everything. was SWEET.

the first day was itself fun-filled.
i took a boat ride. or rather a sampan ride.
FUN.
then we went around HK.
took train rides. theirs are called MTR.
mongkok, central, tsim tsam shui.
yes. those were some places we went. and there was this place called Langham Place.
ah....there were so many places i want to write about.

ok. i have delayed this entry for so long.
i shall finish it today. i am currently using the computer and also watching "Witch Yoo Hee"
i love the songs a lot.
rah. i shall not steer away from what i am going to write about.
anyway, HK is definitely a nice place for a holiday get-away.
one day, you all should visit that place.
it may be very similar to Singapore but trust me, it is really worthwhile.
my stay there was filled with non-stop activities.
I'm gonna miss my buddies there. their warmth will never be forgotten.
I WILL MISS ALL OF YOU.

i can't believe it. i feel so sentimental.
SOB.

alright. actually, today i am feeling extremely weird.
it's really abstract.
no, i think i've gotten out of the emo-ness.
it's just...indescribable feeling.
perhaps i should let it go. i find myself clingy. yes. perhaps that's it.
i can't help remembering about the times i had in HK.
and a L-O-T more.
no more further elaboration.
i don't wish to think anymore.
i want to sleep and rest well. goodnight.

- confused....STILL

it's just the nerves. meh.

2007-11-30T23:48:00.000+08:00

er. guess what structure is that?

the walls are being built. ah, great!

why the reluctant looks? and where's Oswin?

hm. getting a bit better. SMILE.

we have sticks and leaves on the supposed sandcastle.

oh well. u guessed it. there were only the 5 of us.

yes. my hair is in a mess. 2A03'08!

the mastermind(s) behind the masterpiece.

RACHEL. uh, she's lost.

now that the pictures have somewhat shown what my day consisted like.
just let me fill you people in.

now. now. i had a class outing today. er. no. a friends outing, like rachel claimed it to be.
haha. so yah. we were supposed to meet at the stop after PP.
then. blah. blah. nevermind. let's just skip that part.

so yes, the final meeting place was at MAC'S (ECP)
hm. a few more things happened. but it wouldn't hurt if i skipped that part too.
waited. procrastinate. stoned.
thank god there was a photographer.
which is yours truly.

it was super difficult just to make up our minds.

ok. i guess that was what happened. i want to sleep. bye

-troubled as usual

oh, the english language!

2007-11-27T16:49:00.000+08:00

it pricked.
no. i can't be thinking this way.
i am just being sensitive like usual, aren't I?
no reason for me to fret about it.
ok. i am fine now, i guess.

no. don't get me wrong please.
why jump to conclusions just like that?

shopping.
senseless.

I'm sorry. I am in no mood to write a proper entry actually.

ok. i better get going.
I'm tired. the brain juices are squeezed out entirely.
everything just drains me out these days.
all i can afford to do is very little.
where's the strength that i used to possess?

I SHOULD JUST STOP THINKING!

whatever i say probably never comes true

2007-11-27T07:21:00.000+08:00

GAH.
I'm awake already. have to go to school later.
i realised that i have to do lots of things before heading school
and none of them is completed.

have been nagged since yesterday about lots of things.
ARGH.
never was i able to land in the good books of people in just 1 pathetic day
a whole 24 hours!
NAG. NAG. NAG.
won't i ever learn my lesson.
or am i just hard of hearing?
that i can't differentiate the right and the wrong.
FOOL.

i just want to S-C-R-E-A-M!
turmoil of each day just keeps getting worse.
the freedom that i yearn just keeps drifting away from me

i promise myself that i have to be gay-er.
BUT just look at my current mood now.
it's ever so rebellious and down
you know i HATE it so much. but i can't help it
then there is this being who would constantly be entering my puny brain
without any permission, that is.

SIGH SIGH.

ok.
i shall not make people more depressed.
and yes, i didn't JOG/RUN today.
sad.
woke up to the alarm but too tired to get up from bed.
UGH.
just checked my mail.
need to pack my bag. i need to be organised. no more last-minute Syaza.
i HOPE.
then no more nagging.
LALALALALA~
happy. going to school at around 9am.
then perhaps go mini-shopping according to travel checklist.
heh-heh. and i will be all ALONE.

yup.
shall end my entry here.
i am non-depressed.
GAY. GAY. GAY.
a chant to keep me going.
mi~ mi~ mi~ mi~ MOO~
smi~ smi~ smi~ smi~ SMOO~
haha...the advertisement is DAMN cute.
call me childish. heck.

STOOPID.

2007-11-23T17:48:00.000+08:00

composed.
breathe. breathe.

LALALALALALALALALA~

I RAN TODAY!
ok. i know it's nothing fantastic.
i want to be toned and fit. yes. exercise. exercise.
the breeze was just right. the weather was perfect.
the waft of the sea lingers in my nose every few metres i ran.
ok. maybe i exaggerate too much.

bird poo almost landed on me today.
sway.

squawking of babies who wants to gain attention
which sounds very much like crows.
quacking of crows from nowhere
how complicated life is.
yes, quacking. im serious. i heard it today.
state of denial?
it's a cycle?
what? i don't get it.
work. work. work. i mean homework.
yes.
go and do your homework, syaza.

ok.
-busy

minah-wannabe

2007-11-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

ok. i admit i like skinnies but i don't own one.
i do random things not like minahs.
i do gestures that are supposedly "bimbotic"
i like the colour black and am not ready for a change.
does the above make me a minah then?
nope.

sorry. random ramblings again. no one can stand that behaviour of mine though
sad.
nevermind.
i went to PP with the aim in mind to study
hey, it's the truth ok.
i brought the relevant things along.
flipped through the pages. stare. talk. and talk some more.
we missed each other too much.
thanks for the prezzie my dear. love it. the card's gorgeous.
personifying the card...ugh. sorry. lit in mind.
i will thus take this opportunity to say...
YOU HAVE TO COME ON SUNDAY!!
i don't care. i will call the school.

tomorrow, i will be sending Jassy off at the airport.
hey. relax babe. no need for the jitters.
enjoy yourself alright?
i am going jogging too! jog, jog, jog.
fats, go away.
don't stare at me. i am serious. i am fat.

i have a hectic life.
no, Nawal. it's ok if you don't go out everyday.
i still yearn for the escapade since yonders ago.

the ego is too huge.
no. i can't let it happen.

highly weird day

2007-11-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

yes. i had to go MIA for a while from the computer.
sigh~
and i still have to, but i can't resist touching the button of the monitor and typing.
remember, i am attached to this computer.
so yes.

well. today is highly weird
i committed stupid things. which i have no idea whether i had control over.
really dumb things that could make me regret.
dang!

anyway. when i took the train home
the automated doors closed and banged on my poor head.
imagine that. and i managed a squeal from that bang while on the phone.
i got the support of two strangers however.
and they were like, "OMG, are you ok?"
being the usual blur girl, i gave the hand gesture that i was perfectly fine.
well. it's alright, for now.

and then, i met people too.
people whom were from my ex-school
i just wanted to avoid them though at the back of my mind
i very much wanted to say at least a "hi"

the trip back home alone somehow was surprisingly lonesome today
there was this element of...
usually, i would be fine during lonesome trips back home.
but something was missing.

anyway.
i just found out that my overseas trip isn't something that i can boast about.
well, maybe not really
i will be studying there. just imagine.
but i think it's really cool though.
im sorry. my mind is ever so confused.
it will be autumn there. rejoice. rejoice.
oh yes. i will be putting up in this hotel at Kowloon....O.o

perhaps this is it.

PAIN, perhaps i am too numb to feel it.

maybe it's true

2007-11-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

beyond all that there is something else
i tend to only want the positive, not the negative.
the advantages, not the disadvantages.
the pros and not the cons
it indeed is asking for too much.
i am fully aware of that. yes, i do.

it's perhaps the only way out. it's perhaps the only way i stay the way i am
the facade like you mentioned. likely, it exists.
like a turtle, without it's shell, it isn't complete
well. i need that facade. it keeps me strong.
I'm not going to let other things overrule me

alright.
i will not go on and continue being so down
stand upright and face it!
without all the unnecessary arrogance that is.

emo just keeps me sane

2007-11-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

NURUL!
don't worry about me.
i am just reflecting on how foolish i can get at times.
the foolishness in me does not get me very far, instead it could even hurt me
that's why i NEED to wake up.
xing lai, syaza!
and by the way, madketeers need to reunite sometime soon.

holiday lessons aren't as simple as it sounds
instead, it opens up to more assignments.
thanks.
maths, hist, not to forget economics.
my focus seems to be non-existent.
(imagining about the gesture that my H1 maths teacher does)
HAHA!

oh wells. i shall have to "always look on the bright side of life"
(singing)

no.
why bother when it satisfies just one party?
pride and prejudice.
it's a wonderful book.
Mr. Darcy.
the Bennet sisters.
just analyzing each character is fun!
in the name of literature, i hereby announce how interesting it can get!

i have not mastered the art
oh please. soon enough, i hope i can!
i want to, so bad.
saving that littlest bit is satisfying enough
oh great. i can taste the sweetness of it already.
the end of the rainbow
where leprechauns exist
the limit, the sky, not the tallest tree

AH. sweet.
the previous 8 lines i just wrote seems abstract
intentionally done.
oh, remember about how mentally unsound i am.
so, not supposed for the understanding of you, uhm...
(coughs)

- tackling it.

a PERFECT occupation

2007-11-14T22:46:00.000+08:00

someone.
fetch a pail of ice water
pour it over my face
smack me real hard.
use metal. perhaps that's ZE best effect.
what else?
let me think.
orh...
cut a handful of fresh red "chilli padi"
stuff it in my mouth. then i shall swallow it.

ok.
anyone cut out for that job?
interested to carry it out?
inform me.

-random-

2007-11-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

busybusybusy
ok. it seems as though all the major things are over BUT
i have lots of other things to do
i have my overseas trip coming up. somehow, that is bothering me.
well.
then, i have my other exams to sit for.
and i am nowhere near prepared.
why, syaza? why end up in this state?
and perhaps the most irritating thing is that i can't bring myself to do my work
my limbs have gone all haywired..even typing seems like a chore.

and now. composure.
i need that.
i need yoga lessons.
i need anger-management classes.
XIAO YAN! this reminds me of you...

breathe in, breathe out.

i need to go update my passport picture.
"young picture, no accept"
haha..i was just thinking of the typical way Singaporeans speak.
what's with me?
perhaps soon i will find myself landing up in Woodbridge.
i want to go mad, bonkers, berserk. oh..out of vocabulary.
LIFE. perhaps i should break down the alphabets.
then maybe each alphabet represents something

L- lame?
I- irrelevance?
F- am thinking of the 4-letter word (oh dear!)
E- escapade?

ok. i am feeling extremely random
pardon me. i am not in the right state of mind
what what what...
how how how...

ok. i have no more mood to go on.
i need serenity. i need security.

perhaps now. i don't feel emo.
i am demented.
mentally unsound.
yes, be afraid of me.

i saw that change in you

2007-11-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

supposed to be studying and mugging for exams
but here i am, blogging.
just got that inspiration to write an entry
furthermore, i am bored!

addiction ain't good

oh yeah.
i had to go school today on a bright saturday morning!
sounds "great" huh?
oh wells. got to know it last minute too.
wore the wrong shirt again as happily pointed out by dear RACHEL again.
HAHA!

i had the urge to just postpone just about everything today
i have no idea why these days i am in such a lousy mood
when i went to Bedok interchange, i felt like a lost soul
perhaps it is the weather these days
my exams are postponed till the 25th
crap. i don't even know whether what i am doing is right
and i badly yearn for a job. then i can have moolah to spend.
cravings to satisfy.
from the bag, to the clothes, to about everything.
the holiday mood in me still stays put and refuses to go away.
lessons will start on the 12th.
if i don't start soon. then perhaps i shall just go and die.
the essence.

why did it even happen?
was there even a reason for it?
it is slowly draining me. i want to be rid of it, but can I?
the countless attempts just seem to rebel against me
i need to look for that.
go ahead. just go further. a little bit more. and perhaps soon, i will forget.

yes, the previous paragraph is meant to be incomprehensible.
even i don't really get it myself.
nevermind. for now, it just serves as a platform for me to vent out everything.

OH GOSH!
the emo-ness is creeping into me yet again.
yikes.
sorry, I'll try to deviate away from it.

-waiting....

perhaps it has to fit back in

2007-11-09T23:17:00.000+08:00

yikes.
I'm feeling guilty. very.
no more motivation
someone knock me.
make sure that i come upon a realisation.
what's wrong with me?
do i even deserve that place?
there are many things that i have yet to fully comprehend.
every attempt to squeeze it out from my puny brain seems to be futile.
I AM DEPRESSED. (self-proclaimed though)

perhaps i should rewind to the point in time where i was still that innocent young kid
where things seemed bliss and no conflicts were apparent
where everyday is PLAY, SLEEP and EAT.
everyone owes you a living and you're just enjoying to the best of you ability
kids these days. do they even get the point?
so. don't worry.
maybe you're hurt. but channel all that anger and pain to your studies.
and this apples to me too
it is extremely important.
NAWAL, thanks for telling me that.

ouh..
this is practically draining my energy.
yikes.
i have to go and recharge my "battery"
I've got school tomorrow. yes, on a bright saturday morning.
brilliant. perfect timing!
buh-bye

wow...it's finally over?

2007-11-07T16:11:00.000+08:00

filing for PW today.
so...practically i can say that PW is finally completed.
relieved, yes.
but i will NEVER forget the times we spent doing project work..
the late nights.
the taxi ride home all alone at 11 plus.
haha.
the mindless chatter that we share.
it was indeed an experience.
notice the past tense. cause after today, it's all in the past
ok. stop.

i just want to say thanks to those who wished me!
sorry i cant answer to all your messages. but i appreciate all that!
MUACKS!
i cant believe you guys actually resorted to saying it openly in the LT..
oh wells.

i can't believe I'm feeling extremely bored today.
shouldn't i be rejoicing?
well.
i don't know.
ok. now, no more mood to go on already.
want to sleep!

OH.....PW....

2007-11-06T22:58:00.000+08:00

today was OP day. yes. well. i can't say i did WELL.
but, I'm very sure i put in my best effort. i had no idea how nerve-wrecking it was.
i was practically perspiring under my "raincoat" and it felt like i was under the scorching sun
believe it or not.
the look of the assessors were thankfully very positive and encouraging
and it was barely enough to sustain my already-present nervous-ness.

the days of spoilt "tape-recordings" at home are finally over.
NO MORE looking in the mirrors admiring my image. ugh. -_-"
no more looking at the windows pretending that it was my audience.
my parents need not put up with my eccentric behaviour anymore
no more waving at the mirror thinking that i am trying to gain someone's attention
sheesh. yes, syaza and her never-ending weird and wacko moments
so yes, im definitely relieved.
as expected, QnA was just great lah.
i got 2 questions posted to me.
one was something like,
"if you get the chance to meet your groundbreaker, what would you ask him?"
and as usual, i gave an EXTREMELY vague answer.
SIGH~
a one-liner.

ok. i didn't want to harp on it but it's just blaring at the back of my mind.
GRR.
i have to complete my I&R.
meet tomorrow in school at 10 am to hand in up.
i can't think.
alright.
the end.
tomorrow would be the official day of completion for PW
hip, hip, HOORAY!

something to ponder over

2007-11-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

i was just listening to random songs on YouTube.
then i came upon this song that reflected what i was feeling at that moment.
so i decided to post it here.

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

read the lyrics?
go and listen to it if you have not.
it's great.
i just went to my ex sch website
just looking through the content got me all sensitive.
i miss that school a LOT
if i had the chance, i want to teach in that school
it hold plenty of memories. whether bitter or sweet, it doesn't really matter.
i may not have kept in contact with my peers but i really LOVE the environment there
the dedicated teachers spurs me on to complete my secondary education.
well. i cant explain any further.

just to sidetrack a little.
i admit all this while, i think i am a retard cause I'm dumb and foolish.
FULLSTOP.

jitters

2007-11-05T20:16:00.000+08:00

i am proud to announce to the whole world
THAT....
tomorrow is my OP.
heyy. it's scary ok. i cant imagine the looks on the assessors.
NNNNNOOOOO!!!!
i want to die already.
what's worse, we're the last of the last group.
yes. simply fascinating.
go figure how much fun i will be having.
-_-"

enough of that.
haha. today went to PP with my classmates for lunch. or rather LATE lunch.
it was seriously a quiet moment eating without talking except for some small talk.
aiyah...you guys ah...
TALK! i was almost bored to death that i could almost rot.
eheh..
we headed back home straight after the meal.
thanks anyway for asking me to join you guys.

ok.
i guess i shall go and bathe now.
i feel sticky la.
and maybe i should find out more about facebook.
sounds pretty fun..
i need some time to get away from PW...
winks....
Su Yin, you influenced me kay..not my fault.

thought long and hard

2007-11-04T16:13:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i switched on the computer just to find myself switching it off soon after.
haha..yes...i don't know why i did that. i had to accomplish a few things but i just felt lazy at that moment.
as for now, i just finished with my house chores.
it was superbly tiring.
wanted to just lay myself on the bed and sleep!
but...just remembered that i owe minutes!
and i still have my OP script to edit

i have been watching movies lately.
and i thought....my life itself is a movie. well at least it is, for this year.
for a start, i have nothing to boast about in my life.
too many things have occurred, not to mention not all are pleasant
but that is what makes me.

i just came up with this random decision to work again!
haha..yeah...anyone want to join me?
i just thought i should kill time again by working.
although i know for sure that i have a lot of homework to do.
but i want to earn money again. enjoyed that feeling and i want to experience it again!
haha.
but..let me just see how it goes.

alright.
off to do something more important.

can i appear as non-existent?

2007-11-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

yes, my 2nd entry for the day when the 1st was typed not too long ago.
must i get involved?
do i need to witness the worst for tomorrow?
can i even see the day tomorrow?
i doubt so.
perhaps i will be knocked out of the daylights tomorrow.
who knows?
nothing is for sure.
i don't know why I'm affected
i just can't help thinking about it
it does not only affect me but my whole group.
SOMEONE.
anyone.
just save me.
I'm really worried
can i have both of your promises that i will see you both tomorrow.
PLEASE...do me or at least our leader that favour.
we can't afford this
just put it aside and let matters take its stride after the 6th of November.
how does that sound?
though tomorrow it is just the trial, can you afford to see our efforts go "bye, bye"?
i don't know.
i can't emphasize any further
blowing things up is of no use. SERIOUSLY.
ugh. I'm tired.
have a lot of things on my mind.
YUCKS..

bonds are perhaps the most painful thing

2007-11-01T21:19:00.000+08:00

let's just make this simple
1st November
a memorable day indeed
where LOTS of things happened
it practically flipped the world.
at least it does in my opinion
humph.

to sum it up,
i just hate today!

it was never in my dictionary

2007-10-29T15:51:00.000+08:00

mother tongue A levels today
can you believe it? i dozed off during the 1st paper, that is, composition!
yes, call me an idiot or whatever.

i just wrote an entry which was extremely personal
and i decided to delete it away
and now, here's the new entry!

blah blah blah.
I'm extremely bored.

i want to get
(a) wallet
(b) bag (desperately looking)
(c) sneakers
(d) skinny jeans
(e) BLACK specs!

cravings~
haha...i can't wait to go shopping with my dears
hey, we have to go out someday and SHOP!
sorry, can't help being such a girl at times.

i am slowly waiting for 21st of November...
it is the day where we get to know our NEW classes.
i can't fathom the thought. the thought of breaking away from ALL of you.
no banding please. nothing, whatsoever.
the times we spent at the concourse area. the crap that we shared as a class after school. the breaks spent doing nonsense instead of revising our work. the run we had occasionally from Kovan back to school.
it seemed like yesterday, where we knew each other as classmates.
one look, and it seemed that the other was an alien.
but soon the facade that each of us had breaks away, and we shared many experiences together.
i can't bear to leave you guys. i don't care what you say. i want us to stay together
intruders doesn't seem ok too. can we PLEASE stay as one?
JC is only once in a lifetime.
*heaving an extremely deep sigh~

oh wow.
it's 4:08 now.
im dead beat. tired.
if i were to sleep now, i'll only wake up at 7.
let me wash up 1st and decide whether to pick my younger sister up.
oh yes, i gained weight. GRRR!!
go away, FATS!

-highly confused

*photos added!

2007-10-26T22:30:00.000+08:00

today was commendation day plus camwhoring day.
it was just splendid. spending about 1 and 1/2 hours doing that.
yes. we have nothing better to do.
haha.

ok. now, get ready for photos time!

i was emo-ing because i felt neglected.

after a while, more people joined in the fun!

oh? what happened?

SMILE! you are on 3, 2, 1..*click

aww...so sweet...XP

then...we decided maybe the stairs would be 'perfect'

so you see, we were bored. extremely. so we resorted to weird means of entertaining ourselves.
after which i went to a deeparaya celebration. and i continued my fetish to take photos.
me and rachel was bored there so we dropped by the nearest library!

"vergingallteens"

pictures paints a thousand words

we were nearby, so why not take a snapshot?

see the library books? trying to look studious.
(grin*)

oh yeah...me and Rachel experienced the most hilarious thing in the mrt today.
haha..for me to know and for you to find out.
and at the end of the day, i was SUPER sleepy and drowsy..
it was a llloooonnnggg trip home.
even when i tried to pick a book from the library, pages 3 onwards seem to be a blur.
why?
i was dozing off...

-accomplished

it was that powerful

2007-10-25T20:54:00.000+08:00

pictures paints a thousand words.
indeed, it is.
i dare say it is true only when i witnessed it today.
the actions of another further proves it right.
all of you awed me.
it was like a bombshell.

- going "W-O-A-H"

KOREAN HORROR MOVIES ARE A HEADACHE!

2007-10-25T16:48:00.000+08:00

today was class bonding day!
too bad not everyone was present.
it was like only the 9 of us.
haizz....when can we ever have a proper FULL class outing?
oh yes.
so we initially decided on going to Prata House.
then we ended up heading to PS.
PS seems to be the favourite hang-out place. haha!

at PS, we were like deciding what to eat..
yes, LONG wait all thanks to me...
I'm sorry but i cant bring myself to do it.
SORRY guys.
so, we decided on Kopitiam.
by then, the long indecisive-ness made everyone's appetite gone
so, we didn't eat much actually

while we were eating, there was this uncle who enquired about us.
he envied us having to spend time together in PS
then he said, "oh when i was your age, i didnt have this privilege."
"go home, straight away study."
oh well...i didn't really care at that point of time actually.
then, we decided we have to make a move...to avoid the uncle's incessant questions.

then we decided on watching movie.
and yup, we watched a Korean horror movie.
as scary as it sounds, it wasn't that scary actually.
it was in fact, super confusing la..
there were like 3 plots!
then the ghosts were like all different.
the most scary appearance was like...indescribable.

so my verdict is that it wasn't good enough for me to get scared for the whole day
for now, I'm fairly ok.
Su Yin, haha! sorry for poking you till you got all scared.
i would rate it...2 stars only.

haha...guess that's about it.
but i have to admit that it was gruesome. extremely.
there were like bloody scenes plus head-rolling scenes.
yeah.
that's why it was rated NC16.

- the fairly disturbed

NOT GIVING UP =)

2007-10-23T20:07:00.000+08:00

SCREAMS!
do i sound nasal?
are you serious?
why do i have to kena teruk?
oh well. im taking it positively. YEAH. i have to IMPROVE.
40% and i can't afford to waste it.
sigh~

alright. alright.
trying to edit my script and powerpoint slides.
It's sad. almost done though still not perfect.

i shall grit my teeth and strive on.
all the best to the rest of my group and my classmates!

GRR...

it bleeds and yearns till it reaches an answer.

-waiting impatiently.

unexplained

2007-10-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

total crap-ping day for my class.
oh at least for the few of us. too bad the rest missed the laughter and lame jokes.
aww....i seriously love my class like nobody's business.
even if I'm not actively involved in any conversation, i enjoy their company.
SERIOUSLY.

just got back our results.
everyone was speculating whether they will get promoted or retained.
tense moment there.

oh well.

no. no. I'm not going to fall into the lapse of emo-ness.

actually..
frankly, i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs today.
currently listening to the song "shut up" by simple plan
just the appropriate timing huh?
i wonder.
it's always said that such songs written by simple plan are for those angsty kids
so am i one? am i even qualified to be one?

ah, whatever.
tomorrow, more PW meetings.
yes. my life is sucked out, all thanks to PW
and i am officially married to the computer. yep.
the countless times i've spent with it qualifies it as my life partner. (winks)
hey, it's true..

alright.
im done here
- drowsy.

I MUST BE MAD..

2007-10-21T22:21:00.000+08:00

DIE. DIE. DIE.
tomorrow is the trial OP for my group. totally unprepared for me. i have not seen the slides. neither am i aware whether my script corresponds with the slides. so how?

alright. I've accepted my fate. maybe i just have to face the worst tomorrow.
but am i up to it?

I'M SUPER STRESSED..
I NEED HELP HERE
SOMEONE.
ANYONE.
ANY KIND SOUL.

-the super stressed.

DEDISPOL

2007-10-19T21:17:00.000+08:00

am i asking for too much?
am i someone who is unreasonable? intolerable?
am i reflecting too much? am i placing too high a stake on certain things?
do i allow my thoughts to roam freely? sigh.

as it can be seen all of those are questions. rhetorical ones at that.

hey, aren't i supposed to be a much gay-er person after the promos?
why then do i allow myself to feel confused and fall into the abyss of unsolved questions in my head?

ok. halt. stop.

oh yes, i went to have lunch with my dearest friends, JASSY and RACHEL.
all thanks to our growling tummies yearning for food!
and yes, thanks to RACHEL thinking of having baked rice and thus the suggestion of PIZZA HUT by JASSY...
off we went to KOVAN.
it was the first time we had lunch there.
amazing , i must say
ah, should have cam whored (nyeh-heh, as evidence mah)
we ate to our hearts content...literally..
and we poured out my deepest feelings...
i felt really happy after everything...seriously.
i love the both of you!

you know i starved for practically 19 hours today. worse than during the fasting month.

p.s. hey gals, we should go out again next time.

fluttering off.

words are'nt to be trusted

2007-10-19T03:51:00.001+08:00

that probably would have summed up what i have to say

too tired to write a proper entry. time check- 3:51 am

im trying to complete my script for OP and malay homework ++

YEARGH.

ok.
- the overstretched

an inverted u-shaped curve

2007-10-17T20:53:00.000+08:00

im referring to PROJECT WORK.
ALVIN! mulut kau masin la.
like seriously. why a drastic change? totally uncalled for. no, im not complaining. im worried.

all this may just affect the total outlook
i dont want to interfere lest i make matters worse. but can i afford to just witness the catastrophe?

certainty never was a word.
trust me

its just complex. totally.
it cant be solved by just a wink or a shut-eye or even a split second.
nah. none of those.

thanks xiao yan for offering me that valuable advice.
no worries. im concentrating on whatever i have to. yeah, you're right. why should i be bothered? being selfish once in a while, may just save your own skin. well, at least its better than nothing.

woah. let me just tell you. JC life has taught me several things.
although new adversities never fail to arise. but at the very least, i have become stronger. mentally or physically, it doesnt matter.

NOTHING, let me repeat, NOTHING is gonna make me break down.

i feel like a butterfly who have undergone several evolutions. or is it even the right word?
no need for further elaboration. it's for me to know and for you to find out.

ok. im done. at least no emo moments in this entry, (i hope)

signing off...
a much gay-er person!

hari raya '07

2007-10-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

just a one-liner.

nothing is ever certain

it never fails to amaze me.

2007-10-11T09:46:00.000+08:00

i admit im jealous
when i see a group of united people.
BUT
im amazed when i went out with my friends to Geylang bazaar yesterday
ABSOLUTELY FUN!
tiring but no doubt fun
the waft of various delicacies enter my body satisfying only a part of me.

well. no regrets actually.
but i do yearn for more money yesterday
a lot of things have caught my eye yet i feel hesitant
dont ask me why
bags, earrings, sneakers!!!
ok ok. stop syaza.
and....
not to forget,
there was this c-u-t-e guy at the bazaar...

oh well.
on the way to paya lebar,
guess what we idiots did?
haha
CAM WHORING!
yea, i know. sounds bimbotic and stuff, but who cares?
we're having fun, mind you!
sheesh! haha!

so that explains it.
even so, im still yearning for a movie.
i want to watch more. yes, an addict
give me anything. from horror to comedy to suspense.
AAAANNNNNYYYYTTTTHHHHIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
but no money! then how?
i need to borrow vcds...yes, i do!

ugh.
ok.
enough of my whining here
toodles

bye,
see ya,
SYAZA